Trimoot's Weblog

Triathetes, running, life

Fishing…otherwise known as Colonoscopy‏

So yesterday was the day. (7/26/2010)
Well, where does one start but at the beginning.
So, when the doctor mentioned getting this done I was like sure, let’s do it!  Then when the time came to pick a date, without thinking (that’s how I normally operate) I said Monday would be fine.  Never stopping for a minute and thinking about the whole process of having to stop eating and drinking only clear liquids would impact my weekend.

(Tip: Do the procedure during the week so: 1. Working will keep your mind off of how hungry you are. 2. I don’t normally drink anything through the week so having to abstain from liquor is not a big deal, BUT weekends were made for Michalob!)

So Sunday was tough: Couldn’t eat anything.  Couldn’t drink wine or beer.  Couldn’t relax cause I kept thinking about all the food and drink I was missing and I was SOOOOO STINKING HUNGRY!  GOSH!

Starting at 1:00 I took two “special” pills: Laxatives I think, and a 10oz bottle of magnesium citrate which is more laxatives.  Then at 5:00 I started 8oz shots of MORE laxatives and every 20 to 30 minutes another 8oz shot.  UGH.  The drink tasted thick…like heavy water…strange stuff and the only way to drink it was just to down it as quick as I could.  If there was a good side to it, it was you could pick any flavor you wanted: Pineapple, Strawberry…etc., I chose Lemon Lime from my wife’s recommendation.  Didn’t help, it still was horrid!

Somewhere around 9:00 or 9:30 my stomach started to rebel.  It was tired of all this flavored saltwater, wanted food, and by durn I’m going to get rid of all this stuff to make room for FOOD!  So up came most of all the mix that hadn’t already made it’s way down past my lower stomach.

Now most things don’t bother me too much, water off a ducks back, so the saying goes, but throwing up I absolutely HATE and I fight the urge as hard as I can!  But there was no stopping it this time.  My stomach had had enough and it wasn’t going to take it lying down, so up I went and up it came as I headed to the nearest bathroom.   UGH.

So that was it: I had finished close to 3/4’s of the gallon, about 96 oz’s and things were “running clean” so I figured that’s good enough and went to bed.  Then I had dreams of the doctor being angry at me for not getting cleaned out enough so when I woke in the morning I hit the “juice” again to make sure things were running clean and green, ah, I mean, just clear.

Finally the time came and to the hospital I went.  Once I was changed, and ready to go I was rolled into the room where the procedure was to be completed.  There was a cart with one box on it that monitored my O2, pulse and heart rates, and a large screen above used for the camera.

When the doctor came in I asked about the options for sedation and I was told I could choose anything from none to being completely knocked out.  Since I was “on-call” I thought I would be too loopy afterwards to function as an on call guy, so I opted for a light muscle relaxer, so I could stay awake and watch the entire procedure.  With that out of the way, he began.

I won’t go into all the details but I will say it was not bad.  I mean, I don’t plan on making a habit of getting this done, but really, over all, it was pretty painless minus two instances when he “had to turn a corner” and although the pain was substantial it was brief and bearable.

It was so cool watching as he proceeded to invade my privacy, so to speak.  The instrument had a camera, light, suction, water sprayer and a way to cut and collect any polyps he found.

Basically, on the way in he’d spray and clean up any thing that didn’t get flushed out, which was very little.  I mean, I was CLEAN!  My colon was a healthy pink and nice clear red blood vessels could be seen.

Once he got to the upper stomach he showed me the triangle where it met with the lower stomach and that’s where he started to really look and explain things.  Pretty cool.  As he slowly backed out the instrument he would explain what we were seeing: “See this dark area on the side?  That’s your liver on the other side of the colon.”  “WOW!  Amazing”, I said. (I said that A LOT!).  Then he’d continue and point out, “See here, you still have your appendix, right?”  Sure enough, there was an indentation of the appendix, although I had no idea what it supposed to look like, still very cool.

As he went along he pointed out a polyp and to my eye it looked like a piece of lichen growing on the side of my colon.  When I think of polyps I’m thinking of something round and big, but this barely had any size to it and certainly very little height.  But soon enough something came into view and then a stainless steel noose (on screen it looked to be the sized used for hanging people!).  The doctor maneuvered it into place and had the nurse pull the other end, and as quick as you can say “ouch” it was snipped!  The nurse then pulled out the wire and bagged her catch and will send it off to have it biopsied I assumed.  They did that one more time and we were done!

For the most part it was painless and to be able to watch the whole thing was just amazing!  If only I could get the movie!

Whew..didn’t mean to go on, but I have to say, the whole thing wasn’t too bad and I can’t wait to do it again….HA!

PS: Video at 11:00..HA!

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July 27, 2010 - Posted by | Humor

2 Comments »

  1. Hey Paul…glad your pooper is as clean as a whistle. Did the doctor find any of that gum or those pennys you swallowed as a child?

    Comment by Tjett | July 27, 2010 | Reply

  2. […] it’s been a while since I last posted anything here and that was a pain in the butt!  HA!!! I’m so […]

    Pingback by Portland…Ready? « Trimoot’s Weblog | September 1, 2010 | Reply


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